Semester Reflections

Columbia RCF
Last Large Group of the semester
12-06-07

How has God been moving at Columbia?

This semester it has been crystal clear to us that it is always and only God who does all the moving.

For the leaders, no matter how much or little confidence we had in God being able to use us to do His work before, this semester God made us face the harsh reality of this life through all our battles personally and collectively - including difficulty adjusting from life in college to life in the workplace that left us physically fatigued and consequently spiritually downtroddened and apathetic, struggling with embittered relationships that made it so hard to even simply care about serving others with one another, wrestling with trusting God in the face of death as a loving father and not stoic, cold-hearted ruler, and even fundamentally questioning the sheer existence of the love of God when our circumstances just didn't seem fair and the people in our lives seemed to just not care. By having persevered and by continuing to persevere through these battles, the harsh reality that Columbia RCF faced was that we can do absolutely nothing apart from Him - we can't wake up and stand up on our own two feet apart from Him, we can't care even in the most minimal sense about the mission God had given us, and we can't know, let alone really believe, that God is love. The reality we faced this semester was that we are nothing, absolutely nothing, without God.

But from our nothiness, God's fullness was made known and it flourished at Columbia.

God brought to RCF at Columbia a sizable amount of new members that we did not expect - our numbers more than doubled, and personally I was skeptical that any of them would actually stay around. I always share this with the people I serve with, but one of the clearest signs to me that God is alive and working in Columbia RCF is the members itself. Why? Because we are so uncool and unattractive people - all we do is go to church or work or play video games. And compared to the other campus fellowships we are dinky in size and not so appealing in terms of advertising ourselves on campus. We don't even have drums for large group.

But uncool and unattractive must have been this year's hot trend because God brought to our fellowship a shockingly large number of people who even more shockingly willingly gave us their phone numbers, waved back when we waved to them, accepted us as friends on facebook, and really want to be friends with us.
But what was really surprising or meaningful wasn't the increase in numbers, but it was the specific people that formed this group. To me, there were two chief characteristics about the people he brought to RCF this year that made it unquestionable that it was God who was making everything happen:

1. The great degree to which each individual hungered for God was made apparent to us. people came to large group to worship, people engaged in bible study on an intimate and challenging manner asking questions about God to earnestly know more of Him, people coordinated additional bible study groups as an act of unity to share in the love of God with other brothers and sisters on campus, and people just blatantly confessed with their lips, “I am desperate to know God, how do I get to know more about this loving Father?”

And 2. both people who had known God for a while or had not known God before experienced the wonder of God's love and we had the privilege to witness it through one-on-one conversations, giving and receiving care packages, worshiping and making music together, walking to class together, crying together, riding on the subway with each other, praying together...we saw how God is without a doubt a God of Wonders through the lives of others and we in turn, have been refreshed and surprised by their joy.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 it says:
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

For RCF Columbia this semester, we've seen how God's grace is sufficient for us, how his power has been made perfect in our weaknesses. Therefore today, I boast all the more gladly about our weaknesses, so that Christ's power may continue to rest on us. That is why, for Christ's sake, we delight in our weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when we were weak, we were made strong.

And to show you how God has been working in my personal life, I wanted to share some of my thoughts..
Two month ago, I wrote these words in my journal at RCF's college retreat:

God, sometimes I feel that I am so unloved and not just simply forgotten, but actively neglected, not thought of at all. I felt this especially during worship today. I thought "God, my dad is gone. Did you do this to hurt me?" In my mind I know the answer is, "No." But I confess that in my heart I feel that it is a resounding, "Yes." I feel like there is a gaping hole in my heart. I can think of no one to whom I can run to, and no one I can think of to depend on, God help me to believe in your promises and also that everything that happens in my life is because you love, you really love me. God, I want to believe in this. So God, Father, come take the place of my earthly father. How do I love you and cherish you more than my dad? It's hard to even consider it right now. My fists are clenched. I don’t want to believe that someone is bigger, more loving, more sacrificial, more perfect as a Father than my earthly Father. I can't imagine someone loving me more deeply and I can't imagine feeling any more loved by anyone else.

That was 3 months ago, and this was an entry I posted on my blog last Monday:

For the past 3 months I've felt like something outside of me was reaching out to me and crying out to me - this is love beyond compare, this is God. And I want to yearn for God just as much as He yearns for me, but my minute human heart would probably implode if it was actually able to experience the depth and intensity of love that God feels, so, to God, I just beg for more, and more, and more...just as He begs for me.

God never speaks of unrequited love even though he opens his heart to me unceasingly and constantly on an infinite level while I open my heart to him conditionally and never truly with my whole heart. This doesn't make any logical sense for God not speak of unrequited love, because to me that is exactly what it is, and not only that, it's the worst possible case of it. But it makes sense when I remember that I am to God His very own, his precious and flawless child in his eyes, and to a perfect Father the notion of unrequited love doesn't exist even in the faintest form. 

This is Amazing love, how can it be?
Sometimes I really can't believe it.

Lastly, some words to you all of Columbia RCF:
God has used each and every one of you guys in this room this semester in renewing my hope in God and my hope in my life to come. I could write a love sonnet about each of you and how you’ve healed me, and changed me for the better – I wish I had the time, maybe during winter break.

You all have given me hope that I can open up my heart to others still, that I am not cursed to live a life always fearful of people abandoning me especially without warning. Just 3 months ago, I remember so distinctly how I swore to myself that I would never want to or be able to keep up with the relationships I had let alone start new ones. But by the grace of God, he allowed me to serve this year and he brought you all in my life. God has shown me this semester that I have so much to look forward to, that there are so many great opportunities to love and be loved with the love of Jesus, and not only that, I’ve never felt like I’ve been living so actively in God’s will than this past semester. I wish I could freeze time and stay here in this moment with you all forever, it has been that good and blessed – all the good and all the challenges. It’s mind-boggling to think that God has greater things in store for next semester and for the years to come, but it’s true, and I can’t want to take that journey with all of you. Thank you all for being like family to me and thank you God for everything.