On Sundays

Every day and possibly every 10-20 minutes I do because a word reminds me of something he once said or the yellow sun reminds me of his favorite color or icecream takes me back to his favorite midnight snack, but on Sundays I miss my dad the most because it was the only day I ever got to see my dad wake up in the morning since on the other days he left for work at dawn, and every Sunday since my dad died when I get up for church, all I think about is him because my dad was madly in love with God, he was a fool for God. Some Sundays with a heavy heart, I want to cry because I miss my dad, other Sundays I want to be with people and tell them how much I love and appreciate them because I miss my dad; some Sundays I understand and accept God's timing for when my dad died, and other Sundays I'm terrified that the other closest people in my life will leave without warning and abandon me some day.

But whatever I feel, I love Sundays because I think about my dad most vividly and deeply.
And whatever I feel, I seek after God most desperately on Sundays, asking Him to help me not lean on my own understanding, and to trust in His ways.

This hymn called "There's a Land that is Fairer Than Day" was sung at my dad's funeral. It gave me hope then, and it continues to do so every day; it reminds me of God's promises.

There's a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.

In the sweet in the sweet
By and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet in the sweet
By and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blest,
And our spirits shall sorrow no more
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.

To our bountiful father above
We will offer our tribute of praise;
For the glorious gift of His love
And the blessings that hallow our days.