I want to be free.

Freedom, what is it.
To me freedom is more than just the antithesis of being enslaved or not free to do something. I don't care about any of that freedom of speech hullabaloo, that's just the surface, no, seranwrap on the central issue.



Freedom to me takes and is courage. Freedom is more pointedly, the freedom to be just as I am. To love what I was made to love, to despise what I was made to hate.
Freedom is not easy - it's uncomfortable and extremely difficult. I hate it so much sometimes.
Actually, most times I hate freedom more than think favorably of it. Most times, I don't want to be who I really am, I just want to be a girl who blends in with the majority, I don't want any problems, I don't want to think about this freedom crap, I just want to be happy just like everyone else.
When I think about it now, freedom is suffering. Why? Because freedom to me is seeing and understanding (at least trying to anyways) the world for how it really is - raw and in the earth-massy flesh - and then here comes the real hard part, it's living in it seeing, truly seeing in mind, body, and soul, what I'm seeing.
It is suffering because this world is full of it - everywhere and all the time. To think otherwise is enslavement. Freedom is living in the reality because we at least owe it to ourselves to not to live a life of lies, and the reality is that nothing in this world is free from suffering. Moreover, freedom isn't hiding from or avoiding the world and the suffering in living life, but rather freedom is embracing sufferings (not in a masochistic way) - loneliness, deprivation, hunger, war, deceit, depression, apathy, mania, and even death - and striving to understand them.

It takes so much courage to be free. I want to be free.